a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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