She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
