How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
