I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
