I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
