He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
