I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
