And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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