Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
