Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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