u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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