My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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