I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
