Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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