Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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