i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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