They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
