worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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