I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
