I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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