butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Randomize
