He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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