I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
