Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
