Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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