the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
