haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
