dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
