the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
