I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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