He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
