can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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