This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
