Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
