yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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