So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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