how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
