this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
