Umm I'm too high to move.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
