Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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