I can tuck mytits in my pants
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
