discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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