I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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