I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
