He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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