i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
