Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
