she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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