you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
