I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
