Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
